goals. i haz dem.

So the other day in my class our professor asked us to delineate a 10-year plan. At first I was sort of annoyed. I've read The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and similar books. They all say the same thing - make your goals explicit, share them with others, etc. And I believe those authors are right about what they say.

But when asked to do it on the spot, in front of other people - I'm a little reluctant. I have a lot that goes on in my head, plans, thoughts, ideas, dreams, outline of the perfect living room... ha, no seriously, came up with that yesterday. But share them? So I decided I would say I wanted to be dean. Dean of what, dunno. But dean of a college, education, business, something along those lines. And then once I jokingly proposed it, I realized that it actually was something that would be a good fit. I like working both inside/outside a college. I can be political. I have vision (I think) although sometimes when I express it I feel like people don't like it. The great thing about being dean is that it's a good stretch - I need to learn some skills along the way to attain that kind of position, but they're all skills that would improve my professional career anyway and skills I'm already developing.

The problem is that right now, my life is in flux, both personally and professionally. When I mapped out a year ago where I would be, this isn't quite what I planned - not that I had a definite map, but this particular situation wasn't on the radar. It seems as if goals, roles, duties, my life, is being dictated by those around me and not by me, and I suddenly feel out of control.

Which is why I'm writing. A while back when I was going strong with the "7 habits" I wrote out my all the things I wanted to be, do, have, etc. Looking back was interesting, because although I know a lot of the things by heart, I don't act on them on a day to day basis. And when I answered the question, "What is the one thing you could do in your professional life that would have the most positive impact?" the answer was, writing. The personal life one was exercise. I've been better about that recently.

So I'm writing my way out of this hole of "why am I not defining my own life right now?" Maybe I'll get out of it, or maybe this is just useless navel gazing. Either way - I'm trying.