"Dear Colleagues (for the moment):
"The good news is the university is stable. The bad news is you are not.
"The economic downturn has quite suddenly transformed our Superman endowment into Mr. Peepers. Thus the University is required to freeze all salaries beginning July 1 for the rest of the fiscal century. We also must downsize the staff by 200 percent in the next 10 minutes. This means dismissing a number of people who have never worked here. We hope this measure will serve to boost the morale of those of you who were fortunate enough to work for the University. Certain auxiliary services will be cut as well in order to protect the academic mission. In addition to the closure of the library last week, all staff and faculty members should arrange to pick up their children at the University day care by noon, after which they will be sold to the highest bidders.
"Have a great day, and Go Warthogs!"
WOULD be funny if I hadn't gotten this exact email in my inbox last night at 5:15pm."We're all in this together." (Robert A. Weisbuch, The Chronicle of Higher Education.) http://tinyurl.com/m8xaol
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